?

Log in

Jul. 28th, 2009

What the fuck kid, you're a fucking freak. xD

Gahleeee, today is taking forever.

I got up at fucking 7:30.

And, yeah. Couldn't go back to sleep.

So here it is, 12.

And i still have another hour before i can go to the hair place.

Hmm, i hope it doesn't look stupid.


Maybe not...


): i miss Jaye.



And i'm super thirsty.


Okay, this was pointless.

(: Goodbye livejournal.

Jul. 27th, 2009

Writer's Block: Childhood Firsts

What was your first word?
Shit.

I was a bad wittle kid (:

Writer's Block: Lights Out

All it takes is a blackout to realize how much we rely on electricity. What's your most memorable story from a power outage?
): Every time the lights go out, i can't  straighten my hair.

And it makes me feel really stupid.

Writer's Block: Pick and Stick

If you could only eat one kind of cuisine—Mexican, Thai, French, Italian, Indian, Chinese, etc.—for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
Italian. Fersure.

Why don't we runaway?


I pierced my septum today.

Well, actaully. i started it lastnight and it kept being stupid, so i quit and went to bed.

But, yeah.

i'm pretty much in love with it now.

It hurt so bad though, and i sneezed like a lot of times.

Haha, but it's good now.

(:


Gah, i miss Jaye.

Haven't talked to him all day.

And it's raining, which sucks more.


I hate rain, i think the sun should just shine 25/8

I'm  getting my hair dyed tomorrow, blonde.

i didn't want it like bleached..

But now i think i do.

Just to try it.

Hmm.

Artist Vs. Poet is a pretty amazing band.

I just discovered that.


Okay. Now i'm going to go do something somewhat constructive.


Goodbye LiveJournal(:

Jul. 23rd, 2009

Eventually.




Maybe i'll never change, but at least trying makes me feel better.

I'm not really trying to be happy anymore, i'm not trying to be someone i'm not.

But i am trying to better myself, and make it possible for me to be proud of who i am.

For so long, i've hated myself over things that i will never be able to change, things that i can't take back, and all the things that other people will never let me live down.

For so long, i've done things without thinking, and gave in to whatever other people wanted me to do.

i try to think of myself as a strong person. Because i've seen so many weak people it makes me sick.

But really, on the inside, i'm just like them.

I don't want to be like that anymore. And i don't want anyone else to see me as that either.

I want to be respected. That's all.

I want to get back all the respect that i've lost from everyone, just because i was stupid.

I want to erase my past, and start over.

I just want everyone to forget.


Changing myself is a really hard thing to do. And making people believe that i really have changed is even harder.

I want to be able to trust myself.

I want to know that when i promise myself not to do something, i won't do it. Nomatter what someone tells me.

I forgot how to love myself.

And i just get so caught up in everything, that i don't have time to remember what it's like.

But i want to, i want to remember what it feels like.

I just wish i could be one of those people that think they're God's gift to the world.

I wish that i didn't feel so alone when i'm by myself. Even though that probably doesn't sound like it makes much sense, but. To me, it does.

I just want to go to sleep at night, knowing that i'm being the best i can be. And as of right now, that's not what's happening.

So, that's what i'm working on. That's what i'm
trying so hard to do.

And eventually, that's what will happen.


Today.


Okay. So, this one is going to be completely pointless, and i doubt anyone will even read it, but yeah. (:

Today, After i woke up at about 1pm, i got dressed and went to Jaye's.

We watched tv, and pretended to be ninjas, and i listened to him play guitar, and yeah. Normal stuff.

Then i had to come home and be bored for like three hours until he called.

Now, we're on the phone and we're doing those online survey things trying to get rich overnight :D

He found it, and now he's addicted.

Which is weird since i'm usually the one getting all excited over websites. But, i'm glad he's happy.

Today has been really great. We haven't fought at all, besides playing. And we had a few long, serious conversations about our relationship, and the future an stuff.

And it was nice, just talking about stuff like that, and knowing that he feels the same as me when it comes to that sort of thing.


Gah, i'm lucky.

Anyways, that's it for now i guess.

Goodnight LiveJournal<3

Jul. 21st, 2009

The chemistry between us could destroy this place<3

Well this is my first blog ever, so i may as well start off speaking about something happy.

Jaye Paul Layne Breland. (:

Is my boyfriend of almost eleven months, and the guy i intend to marry someday.

He's the most important thing in my life. And if it wasn't for him then i would just be a waste of life.
When we're together, i feel like i never have before.

He makes me feel like i mean something to someone, like i have a reason to breathe. He makes me smile when i cry, and laugh when i want to kill everyone.

He's seen me without makeup and he still loves me.

No one has ever made me even close to as happy as he does.

And no one ever will.

Sometimes, i think i don't deserve him. Because he's so amazing. And i'm...me. But i know that if i ever lost him i'd go crazy. And i would never be happy again.

I'm an obbsessive, controling, bipolar bitch 96.9 percent of the time. And i don't even mean to be.

And he's the only person that's ever understood that.

He's the only person that's ever understood me at all.

Most people would've already given up on me, but not him.

He tells me i'm beautiful even when i look like shit, and he lets me chew on his fingers.

He's the most wonderful, amazing, gorgeous guy in the world to me. And i'd lose everything if i lost him, because he's everything that's worth anything to me. (:

iloveyoubaby.